Still recuperating from my colds… 2 weeks of rigorous practice and gigs while I was sick has taken its toll… I am officially paos. =( although I’m happy to tell you guys that Cornflakes is back on track… with a new sound… and we have new songs to boot… abangan nyo… But first I have to get well… Chicken soup and lots of TLC please! *cough cough*… =)
I’ve been sick for more than a week now. I can feel the back of my throat itch and I feel like im gonna have another cold again. Another cough maybe. Maybe even asthma. Seems like this weather is getting the best of me. Considering I’m also depressed and stressed out. And my life style? It doesnt help. I sleep at 6am wake up at 12pm and if Im lucky I get a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. But I can still feel my body ache. I need chicken soup. A fluffy pillow. A warm blanket and lots of cuddling. That would make me feel better. I need a lot of TLC. Medicine wont help me. I tried that. It didnt work.
The only thing constant in this world is change… People change everyday. They love you and they hurt you. They hurt you more when you love them. It’s a cruel sick world. There are more unhappy people than happy people. Because it is hard to be content. Some people have everything but are still unhappy. Being Happy is a subjective factor in one’s life. You start showing more love and the person pushes you away. Because most of the time they are scared that you will become too attached. This is why a lot of people are afraid to fall inlove because it will only make you happy for a short while, then comes the drama… the shouting… the endless quarrel… the insecurity. WHY? Because people change! Even your perfect sweetheart will eventually change in time. And this is true. People’s emotions are like leaves… Most of the time their green or red… then they become golden brown… then they fall off and disintigrate. On the other hand, dogs are different. They will love you nevertheless. Even when you neglect and dont feed them. With dogs, love is constant. So my advice to you… GET A DOG. We have been blinded. We’ve watched too many romantic movies. So now, we wish to have that same fairytale life. Here’s a typical love story. Girl meets guy, they fall inlove, they lose touch or something else happens, guy finds girl again while she’s about to get married to someone else, guy steals her away and they live happily ever after… UGH!!! YOU WISH!!! Well ok… my point here is… if you find someone you think you really love, make sure that you make them feel special everyday. Appreciate them. Because they cant read your mind so you have to tell or show them. Sometimes its just the little things that matter most. There are no perfect relationship. But you have to atleast get it that close. Love is good. But you have to love really good.
You’re not mine by Cherry Cornflakes
I had a dream about you
There you were standing beside me
And you looked at me With wide brown eyes
I had a glimpse of you Smiling at me cant you see
That’s why I only wish That you could be mine
Oh no! Something’s there Don’t you feel it? Cant deny it I feel it when you look at me Even from afar There you are We know something’s there But…
Youre making me ha-ha-high Youre making me ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-high But youre not mine
Cant stop this feeling
Why cant I get rid of you
Cause when I see you staring
There we go again
When were together Seems as though nobody’s there
You tell me everything
Don’t worry you got me baby
*** You can request for this song on NU107
May Kasama by Cherry Cornflakes
Pareng dahon, nalalaglag sa lupa
Puso koy nililinlang ng paibig mo
Naiiba ang kulay,
Sana’y wag sirain ang pagasa kong nabuhay Sa mga sinabi mong pangako
Talagang Nakapagtataka (3x) Kung bakit ako’y nagiisa
Ahaha… Ahaha
Sumasabay, nililipad ng hangin
Kasing bughaw ng langit ang pagibig ko
Sumasayaw sa lawa
Tila’y nauupos parang kandila And damdamin kong naguguluhan
Talagang Nakapagtataka (3x) Iniwan mong nagiisa Ahaha… Ahaha…
(Poetry reading)
I will live to tell the tale Of my memory of you When my heart was full of sorrow And the sunset sang my love song When I lost you, the clouds cried with me But my tears turned into gold & I was reborn Like a phoenix I will burn & rise from the ashes Soon I will be ready… Soon I will be free…
I woke up today with a bit of REGRET.
My least favorite emotion. The bitter sweet feeling of curiousity has led me to begin yet another new page in my life. Why do I torture myself even? I dont know. Is it because I like pain? Is it because pain reminds me that I’m human? Melancholy has sipped into my veins again and I am officially depressed. Something’s been bugging me for the past few days and I have brought it to myself. I haven’t had enough sleep yet and I can feel the dark circles under my eyes dig in. Most of the time I just lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. My mind wondering off…
——
Since I was little… I had this uncanny ability to sense if something bad was gonna happen. Like this one time I knew days ahead that our neighbor’s maid was gonna burn our neighbor’s house down. It happened after a week or so. and this one time we passed by pasig river and I told my exboyfriend that someone from the Philippine rowing team was gonna fall & drown there. and that happened a couple of days after too. Look, I dont wanna weird you out or anything. I believe each one of us has this ability to sense if something’s gonna go wrong (although not as specific as what I’ve just told you). Some of us just havent developed it yet. It’s the same thing with day to day life. You know when a guy or girl likes you because you can read all the signs. The same concept applies on people who dont like you. You know when
the chemistry is bad even before you meet the person. I guess I’m not making sense here. Forget it. This doesnt matter anyway… I have to eat. We will continue this later…
——
The room smelled like greentea. It reminded me of my old bench cologne. I like tea. tea makes me feel warm and relaxed. It was raining pretty hard. Rain is great when you’re about to indulge into something sensual… Water pounding on the roof… on the pavement… sounded like drums to my ear. Relaxing… Perfect.
——
RESPECT. RESOLUTION. RETRIBUTION….
hay nako! Ayoko na magsulat! Tama na muna tong kalokohan na to.
When a door closes… another window opens. This is the cycle of life. A special friend of mine mentioned that this year was my "Return of Saturn". This means reaccurring events in my life will come, and it will continue haunting me unless I break that chain and completely turn around and walk away. Yes, I will learn to embrace all this bitterness and pain… And like a phoenix I will burn in flames and rise again from the ashes. I’m sure that one day I will find what I’m looking for and It will find me. For what is life without suffering and sacrifices? You have to bleed to know you’re alive. I am ready… I am ready to be reborn. I will treasure the memories but I will not dwell in the past. For I am my own master. I am ready, I am fine. For the pain I feel now will only be a memory… one day I will just laugh and say… I was stupid then but look at me now? Everyday I wake up hopeful for another fruitful day… Look at me now, I am writing again. Been so long since I’ve abandoned this hobby of mine. I will start to write songs again. Great songs. You will be my inspiration.
Lazy day today. My dad woke me up at 8:00am to go to the bank. I was still a bit drowzy cuz I slept at 6am. We had practice the night before and arranged a new song. It felt like an oven inside my car. I really need to get it tinted! Oh well… we had lunch at China town. Knowing my dad, he really knows where the good food is. hehehe. We went home and I slept for hours. Then I woke up. And now I’m writing my long overdue Journal. Im really sorry. It’s been hectic. I barely even have the time to go on yahoo. But ofcourse I miss you. =)
June 6, 2006
Went to Magic 89.9 with Monchit. Then visited VIVA. They were interested to sign us. But we werent all excited about it. Bumped into Joniver and Marc Marifosque at Tektite and went straight to Starmall to meet with my Dad after. Looong day. =) I need another spa treatment! May 29, 2006 Still havent told my brother about his racket. hehehe. And yes I know he’s going to kill me. =/
May 28, 2006
Confused. =/
May 27, 2006
Last gig at strumms… It was fun. =)
May 26, 2006
My FHM SHOOT and a distorted badminton racket.
Woke up early today to get ready. I still didn’t know what to expect at this particular shoot. It was sooo hot. It felt like we could fry an egg in the car. We got lost on the way to Government bar where the shoot would take place. When we finally got there. Everybody was already waiting for us. After some introductions, the make-up artist started on me right away. The stylist made me wear a pink bikini. (Pink is my favorite color! Well… hotpink. Hehe) Took me a while to get used to wearing it without being on a beach. Hehehe. Kinda felt awkward at first cuz all the attention was focused on me… a I looked, If I was comfortable… etc… I felt a lil guilty cuz I knew I was scheduled for this shoot months before and I still did not work out!!! (Too lazy!) hahaha It was a 6 lay-out shoot. And I had no idea what I was gonna do! All I had on my mind was “I hope the pictures come out ok and not too sleezy”. I’m used to having my pictures taken but never in a skimpy bikini when I’m not on a beach! Anyway, it was an enlightening experience if I might say so. We packed things up around 6:30… grabe… 6 hour shoot!!! Sooo tiring pala to pose noh! =) anyway, later that night we had a gig at Gweilo’s and I had to take Lipovitan just to be able to walk! Hahaha after Gweilo’s we went straight to Homebase. That same night… I noticed my brother’s distorted badminton racket at the backseat. (Probably from the heat that afternoon) OMG, I’m screwed!!!
MAY 25, 2006
MY BIRTHDAY!!! Yay! I’m still trying to recall what I did that day… hmmm… We went to Valle Verde with my Mom and Ronnie and Nelson… and played badminton… then we swam… then we had practice… and went to Bigsky after for Twisted Halo’s last gig. (Daming tao!) =) BUSY… BUSY!!!
May 24, 2006
God I love the spa! We headed off early for my birthday treat. A Balinese spa special c/o our mom. Which included a salt scrub, honey bath, and milk bath, and a 30 minute massage… Soooo invigorating. I’m felt so calm. =) If only I can live in a spa. Later that evening I watched a movie with Archie and his mom. “Poseidon”… great digital effects by the way. I can’t remember the last movie I’ve seen. I wonder how much water this movie consumed. Hehehe.
May 20, 2006
I had my 21’st pre-birthday bash at Strumms c/o the owner. The beer was flowing. Plenty of Crispy pata. Lots of my friends came. Including some I haven’t seen in months! =) We had our usual set around 10pm. Right after the band Overtone. (which was our alternate band for the month of May.. and their not bad at all!) I had a bottle of Bailey’s all to myself. And Red Label for the boys. I admit, I was a bit cruel for not inviting Paolo but I had my reasons. I was contemplating that it was my night and nothing can mess it up! Then came some unexpected guests… They go by the name “crashers” sometimes. I can’t name some of them due to some circumstances. Some were just there cause a friend of mine invited them. Some were pleasant, like this guy Malay who was Jules’ friend =) Some I hated. Oh well, I cant be rude… But I do admit I was a bit upset. I guess you just can’t have it all. Anyway, I had a great time performing… Jed was the new Cornflakes drummer. So I was really excited. I really felt his energy on stage. Have I mentioned how cute my “surprise” cake was??? I promise to post a pic of it as soon as I get the copy from my mom. Everyone was drunk. And I was not upset anymore. This could be the best Birthday party I’ve ever had! Cheerio! =)
I woke up early today. If 10am is early. Like many other mornings… I woke up thinking about him. I don’t know it this is just a reflex action or something that’s really serious. Last night I’ve been contemplating… Is love worth all this pain? How can they say that love is blissful when on the other hand, it makes people cry? Love is tragic. Love is real. It will feel like heaven and hell. It will make you happy and it will make you suffer. The only question is, will you let yourself endure every bit of reality love will provide you?… When I’m inlove, I’m more confused and delirious. It’s like being infected with Malaria. I go crazy. But how can you really differentiate love from infatuation when it’s almost the same thing?… Thus I have reflected that love does not have boundaries. It relies on how the other person feels about you. You are blissful when they feel the same and it feels like the end of the world when they don’t. Who ever said that love is unconditional was probably pertaining to his mom or God. Only they can give you that kind of love. When does love become an obsession? And when do you tell yourself that you’ve had enough? These questions were in my head last night while I was sipping on another glass of “Malibog”. (a perfect concoction of Pineapple juice and Coconut Rum on ICE) My friends noticed that I was not myself, but I told them I was just sleepy. Well actually I was in doubt. I doubted my ability to feel. I used to always know when a guy has a thing for me. It’s like six sense. Have I grown numb from the alcohol flowing in my veins? Cuz right now I was clueless. There’s an empty void in my heart that only he can fill-up. Today, I was empty. But I know this is just a phase. Love is just a phase. And it will be better tomorrow. I am hopeful. Wishful. That one day he will love me the same.
~ X ~
You are the hardest thing to battle. When you’re at war with yourself, you end up in demise. And you risk almost everything you have. I only wish this war will make me stronger. I lost every sense of time that night. Only problem with me, is that I’m rarely alone. I always have to be with a friend when I go to the mall, or anywhere. So it’s hard to explain unaccounted time when I just want to be with myself. Some say its weird when I’m unhappy because I’m normally perky. They just really don’t know me. There are times when I put this facade that I’m fine when infact I am not. I tend to complicate things which do not need complications. I have a lot of questions. Questions that will never be answered. Questions I will just keep to myself. My ability to entertain people is strange. It’s a good thing my friends understand me even when I’m the hardest person to understand.
~ X ~
I sang the National Anthem with Joey Ayala (folk singer) at the congress yesterday. This was a ribbon cutting event for the P.A.R.E Exhibit (Energy Renewal Bill). Lots of press… Had fun =)
Last night… had a lil drinking session with the Ciro, Marco, Jed, Archie, Ronnie & Andrew at New City! im in a great mood. Lots of stuff on my mind. Dont ask me what, cuz I will never tell you! 
4:30pm. Still tryin to organize my lil bday pool party at Valle Verde Country Club tomorrow. (This is part of my weeklong celebration!) I really hope it pushes through and my family has enough credit limit for my guests!!! haha… I miss swimming. I miss Bora! I miss summer!!!
April 29, 2006
6pm - It was our first Sigaw ni Maria Gig. (An event to commemorate Filipinas) We played right after the fashion show and before Cynthia Alexander. I still have flashbacks from lastnight, we opened for Cynthia at 6Underground. Galing talaga! We picked her up at home. It was pretty intense sitting beside her in the car. I still cant believe Im friends with Cynthia Alexander! She kinda caught me off hand when she asked me to sing 2 more songs for her birthday tribute tonight. (Slipping Away & Those Days). I only prepared Walk down the Road! Panick mode na naman ako! Its been a while since Ive heard the other songs.. and only a few more mins left till the Tribute!!! *Yari!* Bahala na si Batman! Kabado to the Max na ko!
Cynthia Alexander & Friends…
10pm - Arrived at Conspiracy. Kevin Roy, Raimund Marasigan, Isha, Vin & Cris Dansel were already there. We were all nervous and had butterflies in our stomachs. I was tryin to get Vin to coach me slipping away cuz I already forgot how it goes. How pathetic? I could feel the tension inside that lil room! and in a few mins Im gonna be there, singing Cynthia’s songs and wishing I dont screw up! Kevin did a great Job! then it was my turn…. Relax… (I was thinkin to myself)… I started with Walk down the Road… Cynthia smiled so I guess I was doin it right. =P (Wow! I pulled it off! That was amazing! I think Im gonna be sick! hehehe) It’s really different when you’re there beside her and she’s playing guitar. Mukhang natuwa naman si Cynthia. hehe I’ve performed infront of a mosh pit but I’ve never been this nervous before! Im sure all the artists tonight feel the same. Cookie Chua arrived a few mins after Raimund Marasigan’s piece. Chika-chika kami konti. Ang kulit! As usual, she had a bottle of emperador inside her bag. I love Cookie Chua! She’s the only person who can get Cynthia to do covers. It was really funny. hehehe. Rock & Roll talaga!!! anyway, the night went great! Monchit & my bandmates was proud of me so I guess thats a good thing =)
March 10, 2005
I woke up early to pack. We left Manila around 5am. We arrived at San Narciso, Zambales, Crystal Beach around 8am-ish. So it took us approximately 3 hours drive. We wasted no time and got ready to surf! The waves werent all that big today… the wave forecast was just 3 feet high. Just right for beginners… I was able to ride a couple of waves…. It was fun… I had a great time. Not to mention a real nice tan… We surfed all day and got ready to leave around 5pm. *sigh* I’m really looking forward to another Zambales trip! Best vacation I’ve had in months!…
Dec 24, 2005
Only a few more hours and it’s Christmas Day… I still think Christmas is for kids because certainly our economy is getting worse each year. Prices jacking up everytime. It takes me P200 gas money just to go to timog! Crazy! Anyway, this year is the first Christmas with Arian. (How cute! =) )
We had our usual Crazy Christmas get together with the Malaya relatives. The kids had games and programs and stuff. It would have been great if Lolo Judge (my only surviving Lolo at 88 years old)wasn’t sick. I wish he would get better soon.
We had our first exchange gift with the Malaya cousins at kuya’s house… I got a MUG! (Freakin’ A!!! hahaha) Anyway we played "guesstures"… (Ang kulit!) =)
Dec 25, 2005
Woke up early to leave for Bataan where Me and the Simangan Family were gonna celebrate Christmas morning with the kids. We were already on our way to Bataan when I got a text message from my cousin saying our dear Lolo Judge passed away at 10am. I cried on my way to Bataan. What a way to start Christmas morning. =(
When we got there it was already past 12pm. I’ve always loved going to the beach, but today I wasn’t really feeling all jolly. So when we got to our hotel room i took a short nap. I woke up around 5:30pm just in time to let a few baby sea-turtles free. (The lifeguard from the beach caught some hatchlings and we were more than willing to help the little creatures.) We had a little turtle race before our pets were off to freedom.
My chest was still heavy from the news this morning. So by night time I cried my heart out. Poor Lolo. =( Archie was there to comfort me. By 11pm I was so tired from crying that I slept like a baby.
Dec 26, 2005
We got home from Bataan around 4pm. After bringing the kids to Kalayaan Ave, we headed straight to my Lolo’s wake. The place was already packed when we got there. (The wake was at our ancestral house in Cubao.) I saw my dad at the door. My titas and titos, cousins, etc were also there. It wasn’t right that we were all mourning on Christmas day! This wasn’t right!
My Lolo looked different. Maybe thats just how things are when you die cause your soul leaves the body. Anyway, he looked so peaceful. I guess he died happy.
Dec 31, 2005
It’s a really nice day to burry Lolo. The Military were there to pay respects. (My Lolo was a veteran.) So he had the whole shebang. It was pretty cool. We had a few political figures visit the house too. People like Jingoy Estrada, the Marcos’, some senators came to condole.
Tito Bboy wrote a very powerful speech about how great my Lolo was. Everone was in tears by the time he hit climax. It was really sad seeing my Lola cry. My Lolo Judge was so fond of her. It was hard seeing her like this. My brother was the one who read our letter to Lolo. It was so moving.
My Lolo left a legacy no man can ever equal. May he rest in peace.
Jan 1, 2006
Wow! How time flies. I greeted the new year with an asthma attack! (Aaaarrggg). Not so much happened except for me getting sick. My New year was simple and intimate with just a couple of close friends.
Sunday | December 18, 2005
December 13, 2005
7:00pm - I was preparing for another gig. This time it was for Galaxy Record’s Christmas party at Venue 108, Timog. Almost everybody from the Galaxy Family was there. We arrived at the venue around 8pm for dinner and a lil’ drinking. I was feeling really confident cuz I was wearing my a really cute outfit which consist of my favorite cute maong mini skirt, fishnet stockings, long socks and DM’s.
Mr Chuaing (President of Universal Records, EMI, Galaxy & Owner of Odyssey) greeted me with enthusiasm. The place was packed with VIPs from the music industry, Recording Artists & Chicky dancers. I was greeted by Daisy Reyes, Joaquin & Faith Cuneta. Mike Chan was also there. And some girl groups who preferred to be called The Go Girls, Harbour Babies, Wow girls etc. (All in skimpy clothing. hehe) Ofcourse the whole Galaxy Staff & Crew were present including our producers Sir Danny Tan, Mike Monsod, Leo Mayormita. Sir William, Sharon Dy, & Tanya were also there ofcourse. Mike & Tanya were busy MC’ng & giving out raffle prizes. I would say our performance that night was pretty powerful. We weren’t quite sober when we got home.
Dec 14, 2005
It’s Nikka’s Bday! (Happy Birthday cousin dear!) Ok, the day turned out fine. I had a few things to do before we headed to Kolumn that night for another gig. It was a Best Kept Secret’s production headed by Dale Ibay. Featuring some bands I’m really not familiar with. Joey, (an avid cornflakes lister came to watch.) Ofcourse the ever entertaining and astig "Empi" of Blow was there to session for Dale. The night was a bit tame if I might say so. I’m still contemplating on a name for my "SiDE-PROJECT" all girl band. I have my top 3 choices. 1. The Scandals 2. The Spunks 3. The Screaming Cherries…
Dec 15, 2005
It’ the 99.5 RT’s Sunday Sessions Anniversary Party. Headed by my dear friend DJ Nine-inch-Neil. Me and my band have this analogy regarding amateur & professional bands. Let me explain: There are different fishes. Big fishes, small fishes, Fishes from fresh water & Fishes from the sea. Everyone each his own is a predator. In both waters, Let’s say the ocean is for professional musicians. So someone like Cynthia Alexander, a Rock Icon, NU Guitarist of the year, Asia’s Best Bassist, My Rock Goddess, Someone with her caliber is a Great White Shark. She devours everything. (Again, this is only an analogy) In the music industry, when you have an album, you are immediately thrown into the Ocean. No matter what species you are. You are obligated to fight to survive & protect yourself. My bandmates say I’m a dolphin. (Can be both vicious & gentle. Against a bullshark, I might still be alive after a fight, but I would be wounded. hehe) Now the Ocean is a battlefield. Full of predators tryin to balance the foodchain. Musicians, in my opinion are like these magnificent creatures. During a major event like MYXMO, or PULP or RAKISTA, we are giving our 150%. Perhaps to amaze spectators & stay in the game. (We’ll discuss this later on, when I have more time on my hands. =)) Now, this night, was an allstar-cast. We were playing alongside a few bands who’ve already made a name for themselves. We were the 4th band to perform. The place was already packed when we got there around 8:30pm. Chubibo opened the event. Next came Sugarfree & after them, 6 Cycle Mind… Then my band, Cherry Cornflakes… I was surprised that I was pretty calm. The audience were great! Everything went good. We started off with a bang. Playing our Carrier single "Paraiso". This night, we fought off our predators. =) The food was great! Rack’s definitely have the best Ribs! Yum! I drank bottle after bottle of Smirnoff Ice (My favorite alcoholic drink!). I wasn’t sober afer 6 bottles. By the time I hit my 7th bottle, I was soooo talkative. Making conversation everywhere! Some of the new & old friends I met & mingled with that night were Boogie (Dicta License 7 Kjwan), Tim (Imago), Kelvin, Chino, Kerwin & the rest of Itchy worms. Echo (Boldstar), A few guys from Tsunami, Marc Abaya (MTV VJ) & Kelly (Kjwan), DK, Mairo, Relly & the rest of Stonefree, Popo (Gish & former drummer of Moonstar 88), Jeff (Soapdish), Dj Dianne, DJ Sam, Tracy, DJ Blob, & ofcourse "THE BIG BOSS" of RT, Sir Dickie. A few more bands played. Session Road followed after our set, then Kitchie Nadal, Kwjan, Dicta License, Stonefree, Itchy Worms, Imago, Mojofly, & Sponge Cola ended the event. It was a huge success! Props to my favorite cuddly friend, Neil. (Astig ka talaga!)… The after party followed at "3" bar at Katipunan. Right above "Bite Club". a couple of people followed. Popo with a few Chicks, Tsunami, Jeff, Kelvin, Echo, Dk, Kerwin, Archie, Paolo, Boogie plus some more… Kwentuhan ulit. Some people were playing really old school music. and OMG the beer! I think this was my 9th bottle. Cant believe I was still thinking straight. hehehe. So anyway, the night went really well. Good friends, Good Times… tonight’s another night… were playing at Freedom Bar. Wish us luck! =)
CHERRY CORNFLAKES (Calorie Free!)
Check it out! Available at all record bars nationwide! Grab your copy now!!!
NUTRITIONAL TRACKS
1. Butterfly
2. It’s Over
3. Paraiso
4. Monkey
5. Time is Up
6. I Crush U
7. Wordplay
8. Margarita
9. Crave
10. On Paper
11. It’s Over (Unplugged)
Also available online!
